Mesh Gautam

Mesh is a research student and artist from the Eastern Himalayas studying in Wageningen. 

I feel immense growth,
like something inside my chest
feels absolutely free,
unchained melodies,
like my body was invited
to engage,
to deeply listen,
to be heard, felt, seen,
for the complete masterpiece,
that it is.
I felt tickled
by the beauty
of laughter and giggles,
as though I’d been waiting
to preserve these memories
and so here I am
polishing, varnishing, dressing
the nostalgic fragrance of
that greeted me, reminded
the child of the mountain
to look into the mirror
and witness the mighty flow
of the river emerging,
spilling, flooding,
moisturizing the portrait
of who I am.
I see that view,
I hear the screech,
I hear you.
I am in a place
where it feels like
I can show up
or actually,
I can display myself...
something tells me
I don’t need
those blessings,
I just need to be,
lock myself up,
throw away the keys,
so that the streets
will swallow
every bit of me,
every bit of them,
every bit of us.
Like I dunno
but I feel like
awkward, greeted, thrashed
all at the same time
when the waves
hit and thrash
and when I come out
after the swim
it feels dizzy
like I’ve been moulded
into something else
when I show up
I feel like an alien
a beautiful exotic one
like the Macaws,
who were up on display,
up for grabs,
25 bucks a photo,
loud and visible and just
out there... u know?
it wasn’t the same
with Idk the ‘man’ or ‘woman’
next to me

give me your attention,
cuz we are out there
not quite to treat your eyes,
or to show you
a diff ‘perspective’,
we are
as much as you,
as complete,
as much as somebody,
as much as nobody.
ugh. It’s not like
nothings ever enough
it’s just...
I’m here
I’ve showed up
in my sari cum fariya,
for myself,
for the Macaws

A safe space to exist
is a shipping container
where voices are raised,
where they echo.
an exhibition
an exposé of bodies,
scream your speech
not in streets
but within
देखभाल करे,
maintain distance
between words.
these days we feel
so contained....
It’s like,
where are they
shipping us.

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